A Night at the Museum
Today, JB and Roo went to Pittsburgh with their daycare and spent the day at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History. I am now pleased to present to you little known naturally historical facts:
A giant space rock from outer space came flying past the moon and landed in the ocean. When it went in the ocean, it made the waves great big so the volcanoes flew way up in the sky and dumped glowing red water all over the Earth. When the dinosaurs saw the red water, they all laid down and took a nap. Then the people came and made big holes to put them in so we could dig them up and put them together like puzzles. And that’s how the dinosaurs died.
There was a man on a camel and he had a spear. He killed a mommy lion and he tried to kill the daddy lion, but the baby lion got away and it’s still alive. And that’s why there are still lions, but there aren’t any dinosaurs because some man with a spear went and killed all the dinosaur babies and they died.
Once, there was a guy who was very famous and he made a statue out of a woman, but he forgot to put her clothes on and he called it a ‘work of art’. He called it that because he’s still working on it and it won’t be finished until he puts her clothes on. People aren’t supposed to be naked outside a museum where kids can see them. But it might not have been a guy. It was probably a girl because girls like to make pictures of other girls. And you can tell the statue is a girl because it has big boobs and a pee-bug.
When you go to a zoo, all the animals are alive. When you go to a museum, they kill them all first so they’re dead. Then they try to make them look like they’re alive. They should really just close the museum and let the animals live at the zoo.
Here’s hoping it tickled you as much as it did me. Until next time….
...there's more kid crud at humor-blogs.com.
Squeak - Me, better known as "Mommy!" I'm a bitter, jaded, smartass of a single mom trying to raise happy, healthy, well- adjusted children while dealing with the aftermath of my 30th birthday. My mild-mannered alter ego is a professional web developer and graphic designer.
Og the Neanderthal - Formerly, my opposing gender cohabitant. He firmly believes he is the reincarnation of John Wayne and is seeking a partner who is the illegitimate love child of June Cleaver and Murphy Brown. I am not that woman.
Roo - My seven-year-old daughter. She loves to sing, but sounds like Bob Dylan... if he were deaf, drunk and singing falsetto. She was nicknamed "Motor Mouth" by a daycare full of preschoolers.
JellyBean/JB - My five- year-old daughter. She longs to be a ballerina princess in her adult life. She knows Grammy will give her anything her little heart desires. And she insists on being addressed as "Your Majesty" .
Doofhead - The father of my munchkins. In the words of Faith Hill, "When it comes to brains, he got the short end of the stick."
BD - Chief Executive Officer. Non-techie. Hyperactive. Has the charisma of a used car salesman.
BC - Chief Technical Officer. Obsessed with weekly task meetings. Wants desperately to be macho.
Bull - Resident computer technician. High on life. Enjoys crude humor and ebonics. Collects soda cans as a second source of income.
Batman - Fellow code monkey. Lurks in dark places. Knows teh haxx0rz. Has an aversion to bouffant hairstyles and public radio.
Walnuts - Sales God. Underpaid & overstressed. Works multiple jobs. Is the younger brother of BD & BC.
The Girl - Stool-perching poster child for perkiness. Office catch-all and snack food enthusiast.
