Squeak’s Squeals

And now, an update on the continuing saga of Officer Sludge…. (and for those of you who are utterly confused right now, read THIS first)….

I just finished another phone call with our favorite, most obliviously unintelligent city cop, Officer Sludge.

He has informed me that he would like to have a list of wanted criminals posted on the website. Fine. Not a problem. [Note: Had I been talking with anyone OTHER than Sludge, I probably would have recommended setting up a database, but I truly think it would have been a lost effort on a man who can't find Windows on his Compaq.]

He proceeded to tell me that his secretary is currently in the process of piecing together the list in question. [Note: My initial thought: "Good. Cuz Lord knows what you would produce."] He then described to me the methods being used in the list’s creation. My question: is it POSSIBLE to have a negative IQ score? And if so, how is one able to function as the head of a special police task force with such a score? Then again, maybe it depends on your definition of “special.”

He and his secretary, he said, had taken every possible avenue to make the final list as efficient and easy-to-use as possible. He and his secretary, he said, printed - FROM THE COMPUTER - all the images of the criminals for the list. Then, he says, he had his secretary HAND WRITE the details about each person next to their picture. At the moment of our conversation, he said, his secretary was in the process of scanning - BACK INTO THE COMPUTER - the pages with the hand-written text and the images they had JUST printed. The secretary would be emailing me the list ASAP, he said.

Fast forward five minutes: a new message in my inbox. Great! Let’s see the masterful work first hand! Uhh… big negatori there, chief. Seems the secretary emailed me a blank white nothing - no message, no text, no images, no attachments…. just the bleak whiteness of an empty message. I replied to her empty message and let her know she had sent me absolutely nothing. She replied to my message… with nothing. There was blank white nothingness, followed by my original message, followed by her original message of nothingness.

These are the people sworn to uphold justice and protect the people of the land. These are the people we rely on - day in and day out - to provide us all with a sense of safety and security. These are the people who catch the bad guys and give them what they deserve. Is it any wonder the internal functions of the local, state and federal prison systems are FUBAR? THESE are the people responsible for running it! Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!

What could be more terrifying than humor-blogs.com?

This entry was posted on Friday, August 22nd, 2008 at 1:56 pm and is filed under Auto Fail Life, Cavemen, Geek Humor, Get a Real Job, Rants, Tumors. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.