Squeak’s Squeals

This story is actually old news at this point - for those who actually know me. For those who do not, it will be fresh and new - like a shriveled, slimy, naked baby who just finished his canal ride to freedom.

My 6-year-old daughter, Roo (is it just me or do the vast majority of my kids- on- crack posts involve Roo?), has moved into the next phase of her life: the weasly scammer phase.

The school bus gives the kids assigned seats. Being that they are early elementary students, they cram them three to a bench. Roo shares her bench with two girls we’ll call Charlotte and Sunni. The bench directly across from Roo, Charlotte and Sunni is occupied by a girl we shall call Amy… and two other girls who don’t play into the story and shall remain unnamed.

Amy and Sunni and friends. They like to sit on the aisle seats - you know, where your elbows get whacked by every backpack, duffel bag and fat kid getting on (and off) the bus. But they like sitting on the aisle so they can talk to each other.

Apparently Roo and Charlotte were not content to simply allow Sunni use of the aisle seat. Oh, no! Simply allowing her to sit near her friend would make life too easy. So they started charging her rent.

For a mere $1.01 per month, Sunni was able to secure the one-third of the bus seat most prone to physical injuries.

For just $1.01 per month, Sunni had the ability to actually talk to her friend on the ride home from school. Not that I can blame her for not wanting to talk to the other two in her seat.

Now, while I prefer to believe that my daughter would never take part in any sort of extortion or racketeering schemes, I have - quite obviously - been proven horribly, horribly wrong.

Her punishment? After explaining to her the concept of bullying and why her actions made her a bully, we got down to the business end of the deal:

1. Break open Ye Ole Piggy Bank and pay back TWICE the amount of rent she’s collected.

2. Write a letter to Sunni apologizing for her actions.

3. Write a letter to Sunni’s mother explaining the situation.

4. Grounded for 1 week - no TV, no computer, no games.

“But Charlotte did it, too!” came her cries of protest.

“Am I Charlotte’s mother? Did I push her out and give her life? Am I responsible for her future in the juvenile corrections system? No. No. And no. We’re not talking about Charlotte, we’re talking about you.”

“Ugh. Fine. Whatever.”

I don’t think it’s entirely coincidental the school held a special bullying presentation a week later.

Little Miss “Cooperation Award” my ass!

Humor-Blogs.com won’t charge you rent!

Roo bounded off the bus today in hysterics. Seems she received the “Cooperation Award” at a ceremony at school today. I am convinced her cooperating with anyone for any reason was such a rare event, the teachers created a special award to commemorate the moment. Her certificate is framed and hanging on the wall - as a reminder that one time, one day, one moment of her … shall we say “spirited” existence? …. she actually cooperated. Though we didn’t actually witness it first hand. The Neanderthal thinks the certificate is a forgery.

Cooperate with me and go to Humor-Blogs.com.